Despite our best efforts, our customers have been going instead to award-winning letting agents, the kind of schmucks who actually bother to deliver great customer service. But I’ll soon put a stop to that.
What they don’t realise is that I, Captain Flash, have a secret weapon that will have the punters flocking to my door! Who needs industry knowledge when you have…
A rebranding exercise!
I gather from the Olympics that having a brand means having lots of crazy rules and suing anyone who copies you. Just slap some bright colours and a shiny logo on something, and it won’t matter whether or not you have industry accreditation… a brightly coloured tie will be enough to impress.
So here are the Captain Flash brand guidelines:
- Size. Just make the logo as big as possible. Nothing says impressive like an oversized font!
- My face. Everyone wants to see my smiling face on posters, the website, the side of our minis.
- My fashion sense. All my employees should dress exactly like me. A a matching yellow tie and purple shirt just screams professionalism.
- Buzz words. Throw out as many lettings-related buzzwords as possible. Dazzle them with the brand, and no-one will realise we don’t know what we’re talking about!
If I can find a retro but chic car to style with the Captain Flash brand, so much the better – how about Volkswagen Beetles with the tie painted on the bonnet? After all, that’s what customers really want, none of this good reviews, rewards and regulation nonsense!