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From the answerphone of Captain Flash

“Hi, you’ve reached Captain Flash property lettings! Please note that recordings may be used for the purposes of playing back and laughing at customers – sorry, I mean, recorded for training purposes!”

“If you are calling to pay a new agency fee we’ve invented for you, press 1.”

“If you are calling to rearrange a viewing because we didn’t show up, press 2.”

“If you are calling to claim your exclusive Captain Flash mug and flashing novelty tie, please have your credit card details ready, and press 3!”

“If you are calling to complain about the terms of your contract, tough luck!”

“If you are calling to whinge about something else, press 4.”

<Press 4>

“You have reached the answerphone of Captain Flash. Please leave a message after the tone. If you would like to leave a message, we might get back to you when we get round to check the answerphone and if we can be bothered to answer.”

“If you would like to speak to a human being, please return to the first menu, select option 6, wait 64.5 seconds precisely, press the hash key, repeat while standing on your head, and hold the line!”

<Beep!>

Fed up of not being able to get hold of Captain Flash? base property specialists is on hand to help our customers, whenever you need us – whether you’re a London landlord, tenant, or looking to sell your property. Don’t take our word for it: read how we’re regulated, reviewed and rewarded.

About the Author

base base

base property specialists is an independent, award winning, London Estate & Letting Agent with a range of other property services which opened in 2004.

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